5 French cars you should buy... because I cant
Written by Jack Passey | 20th September 2024 | Automotive Opinions
We’ve all got fetishes, fantasies and secrets that perhaps we would be shamed of in public and I too suffer with this. Affliction follows me, haunts me even; but I can bare the weight of my shame no longer, I must share it and set myself free from this shame. I like French turds, the metal kind with four wheels. So with you as my witness, I will open my pandoras box of what I’ve had saved from trawling the darkest web for this French smut.
Much like myself you best clear your browsing history after reading this. You don’t want anyone thinking your a wrongun. This is a safe space.
Citroen GSA Cottage
I mean what in holy baguette is going on here. A simple, refined if not boring exterior design of a practical estate. A wonderful symphony of beige, powered by a mighty 1300cc petrol engine. Then you step inside and the French lose their minds! I quite literally couldn’t tell you what anything does in this interior. Not one, not two, but three digital readouts. A switchboard where one stalk should be and a rotary switchboard for the other. A plastic handle the size of the French workers union protruding from the dash, that as far as I can workout is the handbrake. Which is traditionally where Citroen gear leavers have been previously, not a mistake you want to make! Honestly this thing is batshit crazy… might well have to be my next daily.
2. Renault Twingo De Plage
Compared to most cars on this list, this Twingo is practically a celebration of what the French call bourgeois! While most French make do with a cheap vehicle, this Twingo is a celebration of French excess. Brainchild of the Italian coachbuilder Vernagallo Stile, he created this version called the "Twingo De Plage", inspired by the beach cars of the 1960s. Gone are the dull colours of French peasantry to be replaced by colour, colour everywhere. As long as it was on the primary colour wheel you could have it and have it anywhere. Seats, seat inserts, dash, hood and two-tone trims. All could be customised to your unique tastes, as a result truly a child of the 90’s.
3. Citroen DS21 'Safari'
I think we can all agree we love these? Where French practicality demands were met with elegant design of the 60’s. A technological marvel with its hydromatic suspension, clutch and transmission, to be later followed by headlights that follow the steering input. Paying homage to Citreons success in Africa, the ‘Safari’ monica was bestowed upon the estate. Creating in my opinion the best looking estate in history. Not quite as weird as many on this list, but a beautiful balance between style, insanity and practicality nonetheless.
4. Citroen Visa GTI
The French hatch that time forgot. A traditionally weird Citreon take on the 205 GTi, especially as the car shared the 205’s buzzy little 1.6 from the smaller GTi. Bizarre narrow proportions and narrow Mini size wheels certainly give the car the road presence of… well a small crap hatchback. But like most small hot french hatches, you’ll be on it’s door handles within miles. As per reviews, the car is emphatically worse than the 205 GTi… That is precisely why you should pick one of these up immediately. Rare, French and a lot of crap fun.
5. Pussycar l'Automodule
Need I say more? What in the name of all that’s holy?
A 60’s creation from Jean-Pierre Ponthieu, a French engineer apparently known as 'the Dali of the automobile'. He called it the "car of the year 2000". I dislike everything about this, but I still want to have a go though.
Marketing images aren’t bad either.
